Selfish
by yello13
Summary: Kenzi was right. Bo was selfish. After 4x11 Spoilers and Character death.


_"You are so Goddamn selfish! You say you always want to help people but you only ever help yourself!"_

It's amazing how when in grief minutes could feel like days. How every single aching second could feel like a millenium spent in silence. It was astounishing how every tear shed was suddenly pooling at the edge of your eye and still as much as you want to weep, as much as you much as you want to surrender to this soul shuddering grief; you can't. You can't because you have to be the strong one. You have to brave the storm.

And then there was Bo...

She had sat there covered in blood, surronded by sorrow as her best friend lay before her in heartbreak. Dry tears marks fell of her bestie's cheek in temporary permanance, marking her despair. With that mark was the slow crumbling of a heart that for once Bo didn't know how to fix.

"Darling" Bo whispered in the broken girl's ear.

She didn't want to this. She didn't want to wake her and that made her sad. Bo didn't want to see the tears stream down her sister's face. She didn't want to hear the whimpers and sobs she knew were waiting for her. She didn't want to see Kenzi's heart break, not again.

But that was selfish.

Kenzi's eyes stayed unmoving along with the frown that was half covered in mascara scars. Her fist were in balls of anger while her hair no longer replayed the happiness it once held.

"I was going to say yes. I was going to say yes! I wanted to..."

"Wake up Kenzi." Bo softly commanded. "Please" Bo begged.

No matter how much determination she had she knew she couldn't do this alone. She was hurting too.

And once again a tingle in her heart was telling her that was, selfish.

Bo felt a sparkling tear fall on to her hand and turned directly in front of Kenzi to stare once again into her closed eyes.

"I don't want to." Kenzi's voice is soft, hoarse, broken and Bo can feel the pain in her bones. "So...don't make me open my eyes. Let me pretend."

"Oh Babe I'm so sorry but we have to get up."

"Why?"

"We have to tell Dyson and Trick. We have to get cleaned up and eat."

That's when Kenzi's body began shaking. That's when began to cascaded in a fountain of lost innocence. That's when Kenzi's heart began to shatter into a million pieces.

This began the aftermath. The shock wave of what was left of her heart, of what was left of what Hale left behind.

"Why did he leave me?"

"Oh he didn't mean to honey."

Kenzi's breath was faster, shorter. She was losing a battle between breathing and sobbing in which the latter was the champion as her body lost control. Her fragile form moved up in down in an attempt to balance what was left of her crumbling mind. Her eyes glazed gray and she coughed and hiccuped in unison without geting one breath of air in.

"Breathe honey." Bo commanded in urgency.

She shook her head no. This wasn't happening. This wasn't real.

Kenzi's fit paused before the bile rose in her throat and landed right beside the two. even at its disgusting smell it had no affect on the women. The carpet had seen worse. Hell, worse was still lying on it from two hours ago. Her fit continued.

Bo could see it in her eyes. She could see how Kenzi's mind was working to find a reasonable explanation as to why this was happening. Why Hale?

"It's all my fault."

"No, it's not your fault." Bo stated in fact.

She began stroking Kenzi's hair and back in an attempt to somehow sooth the girl. The girl in turn grasped Hale's hand while brushing his stubble of hair on his head.

"He's cold." She states in a sigh as her breathe returned. " I outlived him, how ironic." Her voice was as cold as ice and it scared Bo's core. "You're right." Her mind was suddenly convinced.

"Thank you." She too sighed out.

Kenzi shuffled from the place she was being held to look Bo straight in the eye.

"It's your fault." Bo's eges widend. "IF you weren't so busy saving the world. IF you werent so busy finding your family and being so perfectly unaligned. If you hadn't fucking left me behind!" Her voice raged into a screech. " I wouldn't have needed any powers and Massimo wouldn't have had the stupid stick and Hale..." She looked down at Hale with another pool of tears underway. "Babe, you stupid ass siren." she looked back up. "He wouldn't be- Hale w-wouldn't be h-he w-wouldnt b-be" she couldn't manage so she used her fist in expresion.

She hit his chest hard. Then in quick apology she had kissed the place she hardly damaged with soft wet lips. She was soaked in blood as was he. Yet she didn't care that his blood coated her lips as she tried once again to listen to his heart beat.

"I'm sorry Kenz."

"You have Lauren and Dyson and Trick and Tamsin. You can have anyone in the world Bo. Even though you were right in front of him he saw past you and saw me. He chose me, and now he's gone."

"I'm sorry."

Slap. Kenzi's hands sprung into the agressive action of hitting hands felt hard against Bo's skin. Each hit that had directed at the succubus had been taken. Each hit taken was a hopeful wish for redemption. It was a wish that made all of Kenzi's pain away.

"You took that away from me! Where where you? Why didn't you save him? Why didn't you kill me?"

Bo stayed silent although she had an obvious response.

"Anwser me dammnit!" Kenzi's hands stopped their motions. "Just make it all go away. Make me go to sleep. Make this all be just a dream." Bo shook her head no at the command while placing a soft hand on her broken girl's face. Keni intertwined her hand with Bo's. "I'm sorry."

"I know" Her hands flashed red, her mind giving off one command. Don't dream so sad.

She directed the girl's head down tenderly and wiped her continuing tears.

"Just...don't leave" Kenzi whispered into Bo's hand. "Just...Why didn't you kill me..."

Kenzi's eyes closed and Bo smiled sadly into Kenzi's hair before anwsering. "Because, I'm selfish. Because you are my heart and I want us to keep beating, to keep living, a little bit longer."

_Please_

_"I choose you I will always choose you."_


End file.
